According to Denzin and Lincoln, "All the texts created are self-publishing, a bit of a resume, a statement that carries an individual signature" (1998, p. 184). associated with my first year as an MPhil / PhD student. The reflection researcher also has to exercise restraint towards thinking, because I am one of those who consider reflexivity to be "the primary methodological tool of their investigation." (Etherington, 2004, p. 31)
The main purpose of this thinking is to transform my experiences into learning, and I can do no other way to achieve this, but in writing. In other words, writing is the only way I can reflect on and learn from experience. In addition, writing is at the heart of my methodological intent, and it was the first year of battle, as I will discuss later. This analysis is a kind of Debrecen practice that aims to understand my own actions and the surrounding environment.
I divided the analysis into several parts based on the "road". The first part presents the autobiographical report on the journey, which led to my research topic and my methodological preferences, as a primary teacher and in the last years before the beginning of the course. The second part contradicts my expectations and the reality of the audience's re-emergence. In the next section, we analyze the research training program, its units, and the analysis ends with a reflection of my study.
Curriculum vitae of the analysis
Prior to my schooling, I completed a basic level of teacher education at the second level, which was the minimum requirement at that time to get a qualified teacher status in my country. So I started teaching the university. It was a paradoxical learning experience, but at the same time the theoretical part was fascinated, the school reality was a frustrating experience for me as a human and a professional. At that time, behavioral practices were the leading pedagogy, and everyday practice was almost out of the educational field. On the other hand, I began to read the basics of Paulo Freire and Vygotsky, which were greatly seduced. At the end of the first year I decided to work in another school where the behavior was not the law and the place of Vygotskian thought. Since then, my teacher training has gradually been followed by my teaching experience in a flexible school, which has enabled me to contribute with innovative, creative and other teachers. As part of this process, an educational manager was appointed as the primary teacher for four years.
During my ten years as an educational supervisor, coordinating, advising and supporting teacher, I have gradually established that my daily tasks relate to an education system that I did not believe and even rejected. I have worked out years to develop strategies and create materials to support the ideal education that was real according to my wishes. I found myself disappointed and lost at the end of the ten years. At this point, for the first time, I listened to a school that created and regulated its own system, ignoring major practices, and then working for fifty years this year. The school gave me insight. Since then, I have realized that there was a name inside my heart. It was called inclusive education, with a strong emphasis on collaborative learning and knowledge sharing. In addition, I realized that my interest and passion for storytelling was not outside education, but something that was at the center of it. After the discovery, I greatly affected my personal life at the point that left my country to school. But life is based on chance, and I have been forced to give up my recent studies, and for about four years to do my scientific approach to hibernation. This hibernation period was a key experience that has consequences in my current situation, which is part of another thought I recently wrote; so I'm not going to see this now.
Expectations and Reality
Since it originally came from a so-called Third World country, it is not necessary to say that I could never expect more at university than reality what I found. In contrast, the wealth of resources and expertise was impressed. The facilities offered by the students are quite something. However, we can improve everything in the world and in a later section I will present some of my opinions on this topic.
MPhil / PhD
After I started a PhD in a subject that seemed to fit perfectly with my goals, I did not expect to find another course that would meet my expectations. . Even though I'm at an early stage, I've learned everything until this moment is an intense jigsaw puzzle that highlights me for a long time. Regardless of the fact that I can't do my study at a reasonable pace, which I discuss on the next topic, the course was the most important experience I've ever done.
Talking about expectations, unlike reality, I have to explain that I got used to the one-eyed one mentioned in the fall, which says "in the land of the blind." King, "in my case, queen. I always felt disappointed that I was a kind of" talented "person because I was immersed in an environment that did not allow for the proper training of the majority of people. On the other hand, I felt very confident that I was a creative person who had found the way to overcome some of the limitations of my context, and beyond that I would go over most of the people I knew. However, the current reality was not so beautiful. The four-year-old hibernation, the language barrier and the new familiar environment worked together to find that the command paraphrase is now, I am the one-eyed in the full-blown country. that there is no need In fact, I think that the one-eyed and even the perfect blind can see spectacular things.
My Successful Initiative
In fact, there is no detailed analysis of analysis initiatives, in other words, this first year can be characterized by other reactions than actions. The only real initiative I know was successful was my online journal. I'm very happy to make a decision electronically and I'm very lucky because my supervisor was fully involved with me. I see my journal as an extensive picture of my whole journey through MPhil / PhD, with my thoughts, reading, lectures, seminars, meetings and so on. It is also a rewarding space for sharing and receiving feedback. I hope that this could have extended to other students as I strongly believe in collaborative learning and collaboration.
As part of my reactions, which I have successfully recognized, I incorporate a large part of my tasks to maintain good quality regardless of my weaknesses. Another successful new start was a commentary bibliography that helped me move one step further in contrast to the "blockade" phase.
My Failure / Errors
My great "failure" or failed action was to deal with slow stimulation with low self-confidence and gross self-confidence due to the lack of English and my overseas. date status due to the strict lifestyle of your home. I am aware that, from a certain point of view, I went from one extreme to another, feeling completely guilty of my situation, being the victim of the situation. Creating the balance, understanding which parts were my responsibility, and what did not reach the change, may be decisive for the first year.
Criticism of Key Issues
Although I made a real impression of the university's abilities, especially the skills of the staff, I could not avoid some of the critical aspects that I believe could have been improved by a few simple steps:  Considering that we are in a period of strong knowledge and communication, and that we have never seen opportunities that allow for the diversity of communication channels, apart from providing the latest technologies at the University of Southampton, I felt that teachers and students, especially communication between companions can be great. Some of the struggles I have experienced may have dealt with some sort of handling of my companions. Obviously I can freely ask for help, but it is obvious that it would have been easier to have some kind of mediation. I believe that the School of Education can develop specific communication channels to encourage the structuring of knowledge and the sharing of knowledge between students through the involvement / participation of individual trainers. It can be email lists, blogs, wiki spaces, forums, boards and more.
I imagined a space where all the new students are led by current students and teachers, with the main purpose of sharing. Through this communication channel, the units could continue the ongoing discussions, sharing doubts, questions, notes, insights, etc. All students and teachers saw that the different groups were present in some form in this space.
My vision can be the result of my naivety, but I'm still convinced that the novice innocence of a novice can be a source of new intelligent resources, or at least a potential new perspective that paradoxically reveals something that nobody has mentioned or taken steps because everyone thought it was too obvious.
The lessons learned from the training program are specifically related to my own attitude. They are related to the initial difficulties that have been less involved in most units, unlike I think this is a good learning approach. Because they believed in interaction as a compelling tool for learning, I can't afford to be a passive student in any situation for any reason or objection for any time.
The Tricky Beginning
Sometimes the first step can have a long impact on the journey. I think this is my case to some extent. I started this course without meeting the conditional language requirement to register properly. This fact has led to a delay in the right of access to facilities; such a limitation later followed other situations that caused other delays. These circumstances were inevitable and consequently only relevant as a record of the facts to understand other stages of the whole process.
From the start of the journey, the supervisor played a key role in the process. My supervisor has played a supporting and advisory role in every respect since he has been involved in every stage, every fight and every victory and performance. I felt natural empathy between our ideas and our intentions, I am very sure that he is always alert to give me the guidance and normalization I need. Furthermore, I feel protected from being unable to sacrifice because of lack of expertise and competence. The main aspect of the supervisor's intervention in my study was the possibility to develop my critical reflexivity through a continuous dialogue that takes place in the lecturer and online meetings, as well as in e-mail and online diaries. The variety of tools is a source of enrichment opportunities for different ways and experiences of communication opportunities and channels. I firmly believe in this diversity and I have to use all available channels to compensate and / or deal with my limitations. After all, it is important to say that my supervisor's support and commitment in all my experiments and efforts was critical to my development. For this reason, a list of some precise interventions I have recognized in the process:
- Flexibility with my initial condition;
- Fully committed to my work from the beginning;
- Continuous landing of my books;
- Participation in the online journal;
- The flexibility of online meetings;
- Openness to help me in my academic English, including reviewing my duties after submission, with meticulous and meaningful comments;
- Openness to help me in my personal struggle.
The online reflexive research journal
When my supervisor suggested starting a reflexive research diary, I could immediately see the opportunity to get the most out of technology to create a kind of repository . my experience in traveling to the PhD. I see the diary as an intensive storehouse that can compile all kinds of materials I have collected over the years. The result was very positive for me and my supervisor. An important part of the magazine was to be accessible anywhere, which is quite significant, because I can't spend much time at the university and I need a great deal of mobility. In this sense, the magazine allows me to have most of my materials in electronic form.
My desire for my journal (desire) is quite ambitious. I would like to create a sharing point that can exist after the PhD is completed.
When I mentioned the initial delay that I could not access to some facilities, I also stated that he had done other situations that caused new delays. The most important situation was my pregnancy, which was at the beginning of my course and my daughter was born at the beginning of the second semester. I consider it important to record this personal event because it influenced my scientific activity and should be taken into account when I conduct self-esteem in order to be fair with myself and to avoid weakening self-confidence.
Reading rate is the third component of the recipe in a slow first year. This slow pace is caused by a number of factors that include the lack of knowledge of English in English, the impact of individual texts on my reflexive attitude, which led to some breaks in the processing of new information and difficulties in practice. transforming my housewife into a student. All of this, along with other things that I probably haven't noticed, or I don't remember now, led to a "stuck" point, which I describe as follows.
As a phase I call the "stuck" moment in which I completely blocked my reading and writing ability. It was a very frustrating moment when I felt that I was wasting time – mine and my supervisor. I was extremely worried that I couldn't get out of this situation. I still hope that the inert state is now gone. However, my trust still suffers, but I gradually rebuild my identity and find where my strength is.
Getting to Know My Voice
As an extension of the "stuck" I felt I had to be empowered to think and express my thoughts in English. Furthermore, to legitimize them to contribute to an environment that I do not belong to and do not belong to me. At the same time, I was struggling to find my voice when I was stuck in reading and writing. Not only should he write, but it was important to write / speak my own voice. In this situation, as in any other difficulty, my supervisor played a fundamental role. In this case, he released from fear that he was a stranger, not a legitimate voice. In fact, he was always open to my listener, the conversation partner. Since the early days as a Freirean teacher, the dialogue has always been what worked for me. That is why my supervisor's dialogue approach was the driving force that motivated me to overcome the difficulties I couldn't cope with. The practical result was a few words I wrote, shared with my supervisor, and I received meaningful and emancipatory feedback. Finally, that was my voice.
The lessons learned are extremely complex to describe widely, but I am sure that I can briefly summarize those that may be useful for carrying out future actions.
Reflexive attitude should focus on actual needs and develop a strategic "method" for reflexivity;
Even a foreigner can say something that can be valuable; and
If I believe in inclusive education, I have to include myself and / or accept that I participate in this study.
Action points must be implemented in the second year and listed in rough chronological order, but some will occur at the same time.
- Perform the Literature Review;
- Progress of Thoughts to Decide Which Voice We Listen and Represent;
- Perform the other units;
- Submit the portfolio;
- Decide objectively on sampling and plan
- and perform data collection.
DENZIN, NK and LINCOLN, YS (eds.) (1998) Strategies for Qualitative Study, Thousand Oaks-London-New Delhi: SAGE Publications.
ETHERINGTON, K. (2004) Becoming a Reflexive Researcher in London – Philadelphia: Jessica Kingsley Publishers